“mr. exotic.” that is the name of one ohio university female’s vibrator. *ashley, a 21-year-old female, bought her very first vibrator last year at hustler hollywood, in cincinnati. ashley bought the toy because she wasn’t having sex on a regular basis, and decided it would help make her less “cranky.”
are sex toys still taboo, though? the alabama supreme court decided in september to uphold the state’s ban on sex toys.
`there is nothing `private’ or `consensual’ about the advertising and sale of a dildo,'” the majority opinion said in this article.
for some people, vibrators are thought of as a “replacement” for a man. this may be true while women are in-between men, but what about using the toy with a partner?
“i would use it if i were in a relationship, too,” ashley said. “but only if the other person was comfortable.” she then went on to advise all single (or not) girls to invest in one.
there are sex toys just for men, too. cock rings are probably the most popular, and dildos can be used on/with/for all genders. then, there are toys that are specifically meant for partner use: vibrating thongs, candy flavored items, handcuffs, feathers, whips, blindfolds, and so on. any outside item besides protection and the body that is used for pleasure could be considered a sex toy. it’s for play, right?! (i had not intended that pun but…foreplay…hahah).
sex toys have been popularized through discussion on shows like sex and the city and the growing trend of sex toy parties such as passion parties or pure romance parties.
as a resident assistant in the all-girls dorm on ou’s campus, i threw a pure romance party for the girls as a fun/educational program. it was by far the biggest attendance at any program from the year. i supplied free chocolate candy and condoms to those who came. girls giggled and pointed the entire time, but i honestly think some of them were enlightened by the whole thing.
*john, an OU senior, thinks that using toys during sex is “hot.”
“as a male, i can see how things like vibrators would be threatening. if a girl wanted me to use one on her, i would love it.”
so there, dudes. tell your girlfriends or lovers to share their toys.
if you are a beginner with sex toys, here is an interesting video for you to watch. it’s a little after school special-y, but it’s non-threatening and not graphic or “gross.”
(i also looked for a song about sex toys, but all i could find was a song by brokencyde. i will spare you the pain).
sarah everette, an OU grad student, says there is a stigma about sex toys because “there’s this fairy tale ideal out there that a woman is not complete until she has found her prince charming. In addition to that, only her prince charming should be able to give her pleasure.”
“i think men worry about not being able to “compare” to the sensations a toy can give. I’ve had past partners tell me that they feel like they should be enough for me, that I shouldn’t feel the need to masturbate as long as they are around. In addition, I’ve had partners who were threatened by the idea of incorporating the toys into our mutual love making because they still view it as a slight against them rather than an enhancement to the pleasure they already bring,” everette also said.
one other good point everette makes: that people cannot know how to pleasure others or what they like until they learn how to pleasure themselves.
good places to buy your first (or next!) sex toy:
however, if you’re the kind who likes to stimulate your local economy, help owner ann sowers out by shopping at athens’ own passionate kisses.
also, always remember that novelty sex toys mean just that: not intended for actual use. AND AND AND: clean your sex toys before and after every use- no one likes infections!
(*names have been changed to protect the identity of those whose cheeks would turn too red if readers knew their real names).
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Tags: cock rings, sex, sex toys, stigma, vibrators
i am livid.
so yesterday (i really hope you already knew this), congress passed a new health care bill which expands coverage to some 96% of working americans. yay!, right?
no. no, because women’s health was just stepped on, spit on and threw in a garbage can. if you are a woman with a health care plan, say goodbye to coverage for abortions.
i thought this was 2009. i thought women were moving forward in the world. i thought we were heard, and our choices and problems were heard. well shit, i was wrong.
i have had the TIME special report: the state of the american woman issue from october 26th sitting on my futon for weeks now. i keep opening it. i keep reading it, staring that cover which reads “a new poll shoes why they (women) are more powerful- but less happy.”
i keep wondering, why are we less happy? but i have realized why. we are less happy because we are illegitimate in the eyes of the government. we do not have a choice over our own bodies. with only 91 women in congress, out of FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE, we are still outnumbered in government seats. we MUST have babies, because our health care will not cover abortions. obama and his crew are so concerned with more health care now! more health care now! and bi-partisanship! that no one stopped to see if the amendment was actually what the U.S. or more importantly, NEEDED. here are some view points from left and right on what this bill means for us:
A brilliant commentary on Global Comment points out that this is a class war issue, and that it is time for women to stand up for our rights and march and march until something is done (all over again).
Here is my favorite excerpt from this piece:
You think abortion is wrong? Don’t have one. I think killing people is wrong, so I’m not in the army. My tax dollars still go to fund it, though (in fact about 21 cents of each of my tax dollars). My tax dollars also go to keep prisoners on death row even though I think the death penalty is morally wrong. My tax dollars fund Guantanamo and Bagram, extraordinary rendition, and Jim DeMint’s salary, all of which I find disgusting. So why is abortion, a legal medical procedure, so remarkably different that we have to go overboard making sure tax dollars don’t fund it?
so i think it’s obvious i am “pro-choice” (i hate the phrases we use to describe abortion opinion, because saying i am not “pro-life” indicates i love death; which is exactly missing the point: i care about women’s lives). the point here, though, is that a) obama is not so liberal, b) this is a class issue, c) when we are so worried about getting something done we don’t think it through, d) there is going to be a large revolt on behalf of all liberal-leaning women.
if you wish to read more about this, or clarify the situation, this jezebel article does a wonderful job outlining the pros and cons of the bill, and what exactly our representatives just voted on. i highly recommend that if you read nothing else at all today or this week or even this month, that you read that article.
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Tags: abortion, health care, obama, stupak amendment, women's rights
*warning: this post may be very explicit. if you are sensitive about sexual detail, you might not want to read this.
a couple days ago a friend of mine told me that after her partner went down on her, he spit. she asked what he was spitting out and he said “saliva and juices and stuff.” she was offended. she asked me what i thought.
well, i would be offended too. but i know a lot of girls that after giving a blow job, don’t swallow the semen. i asked one girlfriend of mine why she didn’t, and she said because she can’t stand the feeling of it going down her throat. “but it’s just like snot!” i responded. this caused her a look of excruciating discomfort, while i laughed like a hyena.
according to chris rock (i tried and tried to find a video of this stand up, but cannot for the life of me), “spitters are quitters. you know she’s in love if she swallows.” hahahha.
i wonder if this is a question discussed among gay men. i didn’t feel as if it would be okay to call up any of my gay guy friends and ask them about oral sex at the moment, though. “oh hey ***, i know i haven’t talked to you in a couple days, but could you just tell me if you really mind swallowing someone’s semen?”
for other guys i know, it is hard for them to get off during a blow job, so the lady doesn’t really have much of a decision. it’s not that the person giving head is bad at it, it just a) takes a really long time (and jaws start to ache) or b) isn’t that guy’s favorite thing.
just to let you know, semen is about 15 calories a load. not bad! also, it’s loaded with protein. i’ve seriously heard of girls rubbing it on their faces for a facial (haha, pun intended).
i’ll leave you with this….bizzare video that appeared on jezebel today, somewhat related, but strangely hilarious. this cartoon penis is having so much fun with his foreskin …
p.s. if you aren’t swallowing because you don’t like the taste, tell your lover to drink more water, less alcohol and soda, eat more fruits and veggies and less sugar, and to stop smoking.
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Tags: oral sex, semen, spit, swallow
this week there is so much going on i’m just gonna throw it all at you! i drank a chai with a shot of espresso and i’m listening to white stripes…who are, by the way, so underrated. anyway, i have energy.
so we have this vampire craze going on, right?! some people are all like “get over it” but i’m in the “love it” crew. once, in high school, a good friend of mine was a vampire at a halloween event we had. i made him leave his vampire teeth in while we made out behind the maze. I KNOW, i’m a dork.
but lemondrop says that girls are into vampires because we secretly want gay men. they also tell you what your other “monster crushes” mean …
they also say the irish accent is the sexiest in the world. I COULD NOT AGREE MORE. cillian murphy, if you weren’t married…
this really intriguing story from the frisky about a woman sleeping with her gay best friend turned out to be sad, but if you are like me and usually like gay males more than straight ones, read this.
good vibrations mag has this awesome new thing where they are profiling sex educators. to me, this is a huge form of education our country seriously lacks. thankfully, obama completely cut funding for abstinence-only programs, but i still know too many people who come to college thinking girls can’t get pregnant if they’re on top. for realz.
you want to hate men (tucker max, anyone?) who discuss their sexual pursuits as brags, right? but this british man realized how much he objectified women while writing his column. amazzzing.
and finally, the craziest thing. i was shocked. and it is hard to shock me. but, apparently, there is a website out there which is made up of videos of people…normal people like your friends and coworkers and…you? having orgasms. it’s not porn, you just see their neck and face for the most part. you do have to pay to subscribe, but there is a free intro video. i think the reason this shocks me is that this seems so incredibly personal, way more personal than a nude picture. well, it’s this beautiful agony’s fifth birthday and i just now found out about it.
and three olives has this ad campaign: mmmm, if i could marry vodka i would.
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Tags: accent, chai, cillian murphy, gay best friend, shocking, three olives, vampires, white stripes
recently i discovered i have two friends (girls) who have never had an orgasm. this is only shocking because not only are they sexually active, but they have been sexually active for a long time!
so, what gives? first, is this a problem with dudes? i don’t know. we usually only hear about this with girls…i mean, i wish we didn’t hear about it at all, but that’s anatomy for you.
my initial thoughts are that my friends a) don’t know where their g-spots are, and therefore don’t know what positions work best for them, or b) they are like millions of other women who have a lot of trouble getting their toes to curl. i once read that the problem for some women is that their clitoris is too far from the actual vagina (yes, sizes and distances do range….good god, i hope anyone reading this knew that). AND, for those of you who didn’t know, a strictly vaginal orgasm is a MYTH. LIES!
females only orgasm through clitoral stimulation or combinations of other stimulation, and the clitoris is the only female organ purely for sexual purposes. i mean, think about it: we push babies out of vaginas, if the nerves in there with intensely sensitive, we’d probably have less people complaining about overpopulation. because there would actually be less population, ladies ain’t gon’ push babies outta something that sensitive! hahahaha, ohhh i’m tired.
anyway. you should totes read the myth of the vaginal orgasm bye anne koedt in your free time. dudes, read it too: you know less than you think you do. really, your girlfriend told me.
but what’s worse about my one friend never having had an orgasm? she FAKED it. a lot. with her long term boyfriend. i was like gurrl wuttttt are you doing.
NOTHING GOOD COMES (HAH!) FROM FAKING. srsly. no jk.
not only is your partner thinking they are pleasing you, and will possibly keep doing the same unsuccessful things, but you are in essence lying to your partner. okay like i’m not here to preach some here’s some other ladies who know what they’re talking about. and some men, too.
but, i promise, if you’ve never had sex or an orgasm, there is hope for you. not all women have trouble, and hope is still out there. buy a vibrator if you’re a lady. if you’re a dude…well i’m not, so i don’t have advice but this health article does.
all i can say is…good luck, practice, pray to whatever you believe in…do SOMETHING, ‘cuz when it happens, you’re gonna realize just why chocolate is actually second on my list of favorite things ever.
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Tags: fake, myth, orgasm
burlesque began as a form of comedic theatre in europe a long time ago. oh, how far we’ve come. burlesque is making a huge comeback! ever since dita von teese became famous for dating marilyn manson, people have been aware that burlesque shows are still a cool thing. especially now, with the rise of roller derby and pin-up girls in alternative culture, the style of strong but ultra-femininity is on the rise. i mean, my dad named my cat bettie after bettie page. and my mom’s roller derby team’s name is “the rolling pin-ups.” derby girls not only dress in pin-up/punk style, but have the same kind of clever pseudonyms that burlesque performers so often do. i believe a team in texas is even named the “burlesque brawlers.”
other popular underground events and themes, such as lucha libre, are also colliding with burlesque. this traveling show is my personal favorite:
burlesque clubs are all over the u.s. and europe. they are of course, in the big cities. a lot of clubs reside in new orleans, and surprisingly, there are few in vegas. that’s because most of those clubs are just for stripping… the most famous related club is moulin rouge, of course a cabaret. there is even a rumor that marylin manson’s favorite burlesque club is in georgia, and it’s senior citizen ladies only! all over the map you will see there are clubs east, west, north, south.
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Tags: burlesque, dita von teese, map, marilyn manson, roller derby
current well-known internet themes: bacon, kanye, andy samberg snl music videos, rick rolling, obsessive pictures of cats, etc. and now, i would argue: vaginas. seriously! there has been an uprising trend of vagina talk in the media, and all over the internet- vagina-esque accessories. see:
(not lying, i just saw this on a tumblr post)!!!
(an etsy merchant).
okay, so i’m not lying. it’s real! kinsey would be so proud! but where did this new phenom come from?
maybe the slang explosion of the word vajayjay? (don’t worry, i promise that just leads you to a new york times article).
or, is it because of all the up-skirt shots of female celebs? paris and lindsay, anyone?
OR, is it because labiaplasty has become a popular form of plastic surgery? yes, LABIAPLASTY!
i first heard this while watching my favorite british comedian talk show host with joan rivers earlier this year. no, this is seriously hilarious until about 2:10:
WAIT. what about the movie teeth, which addressed the urban legend of a female with a tooth in her vagina? as the trailer said “every rose has it’s thorn…”
oh, but there’s more. superstar megan fox’s interview in september’s issue of rolling stone was enlightening. her seductive powers arrive from…you guessed it!
“[My secret is] a powerful, confident vagina. Men are scared of vaginas. [A woman is most powerful when she is] completely in charge of her sexuality.”
are you freaking kidding me?!
no. and secretly, i’m kind of happy. at least we are talking about them, even if it is in a roundabout, strange, “i’m-so-hip-and-different-and-open-minded-that-i-make-rainbow-vagina-cookies” way. dialogue is the beginning to a revolution, and the country we live in is certainly afraid to discuss “lady parts” in a non-pornographic way.
however much the discussion may evolve, most people will go to great lengths to avoid saying the word vagina.
promise, that’s just a link to the onion.
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Tags: angelina jolie, graham norton, joan rivers, labiaplasty, memes, vaginas
my mom always told me that she wished i was gay, because then she wouldn’t have to worry about me getting pregnant. i thought it was funny.
and i always hear my friends (myself included) saying “i just wish i was gay” when things are not going well for them and a person of the opposite sex.
but who would wish upon themselves a life of contempt, misunderstanding, prejudice, hate, and blatant government disapproval of marriage?
the national equality march in DC was two weeks ago, and i didn’t think twice about it. i felt as if the media has been inundated with messages about gay rights recently, and that may be true. with a new sitcom (modern family) that includes a gay couple raising an adopted child, the movie “milk,” perez hilton being all the rage, lindsay lohan dating samantha ronson…and so on…lgbt issues have been in the spotlight.
but today i saw a video that has been slowly going viral on the internet that made me remember: PEOPLE ARE STILL STRUGGLING. they still, right now, the minute you are reading this, are considered unequal in the eyes of the american government.
this video made me cry. this lovely, amazing old man is standing up for his son, while others (like these religious fanatics) are spending time spreading messages of hate. “The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
and just this week, president obama appointed the first openly gay u.s. marshal. he also declared june the national lgbt month, in memory of the stonewall riots. he will not, however, approve of gay marriage.
i guess the idea of a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person being “different” is strange to me because i grew up in an apparently extremely liberal environment. babysat by two lesbian couples as a child, my sister and i didn’t think twice about an all female couple or an all male couple. i also live in lakewood, ohio…which has an extremely large gay population. you can’t walk down a street without seeing at least one rainbow flag adorned over a porch.
there is so much more i could write. not only do i personally know several gay men and women and happen to obsessed with drag culture, i happen to be anti all forms of racism, sexism and gender classification. i mean really…america just ratified the 15th amendment in 1870. that is not so long ago. apartheid is STILL going on in south africa, and jim crow laws were in place until the sixties. THAT IS ONLY 50 YEARS AGO we were legally discriminating against black people. you’d think americans would learn their lesson, and remember what philip said: people fought and died so this country could be free. free to love…free to be at peace. all men were created equal…right?
so if you don’t believe in gay marriage– don’t get one.
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Tags: bisexual, gay, lesbian, rights, transgender
today’s post will be about sex and technical difficulties. not as in…whiskey dick (hah, i’m sooo funny)…but as in two different things. sex, and how everything that is not paper and pen is difficult for me. here is how i made the video for this blog:
1) compile interviews throughout week, plan to upload and edit today
2) buy card reader since my memory card is saying it needs to be reformatted, but that would mean i had to delete all of the video on it…
3) spend $14 on card reader which immediately breaks when i open the package
4) card reader still isn’t letting videos upload from card, enlist help of friend who knows more about this stuff than i do
5) friend is also confused, figures out the default format of the camera i used is too new and not compatible with imovie, try to convert files…can’t
6) reset camera, have to redo all interviews last minute, sit while my 40 second interviews take nine minutes each to upload
7) finally able to edit video, but have to compress it for youtube and it turns out as awful quality. technology, even something as simple as uploading a video to a blog, can be hard.
THANK YOU to all of my friends who were willing to be interviewed, i am aware that video is an invasive form of media and sex is an invasive topic.
to get to the point…what IS better than sex? let’s see what some OU students have to say:
for those original interviews that didn’t make this version of the video, here are the answers to what some people think is better than sex:
nina: (looks around, shrugs)
alyvia: “macaroni and cheese”
max: “sex twice in a row”
devin: “google earth”
katharine: “getting an A on an essay”
ryan: “drinking, bike rides, and music…although they’re all pretty close. but sex is just work, and i don’t get paid for it.”
special thanks to nina holzer and ryan ford for seriously helping me out.
and, in my opinion, if sex is with someone whose body you know and who knows your body, it’s safe sex, consensual, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THE WORLD is better.
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Tags: chocolate cake, sex, technology